Hey single ladies, this one is for you. As a single lady myself, I know the struggle is real. Let’s be real and call it what it is. Sometimes being single is really hard. I have heard marriage is even harder. But since marriage is foreign to us, we see our singleness as challenging enough. But let me ask you a question, what are you doing with your singleness? For a time, I was just complaining. I wasn’t celebrating, or happy about it. I was mad, unsatisfied, unhappy, and discontent. I wanted a relationship, or at least, I liked the idea of one. What I have come to realize upon recent events, is that God is still growing me in my singleness. I am afraid. I have become so comfortable in my singleness, that the thought of a relationship, and giving my heart fully over to someone and trusting them with it terrifies me. I don’t know how to fully express my fear, but it’s definitely there. How do you risk everything and give your heart to someone who might break it? It is a real and scary fear. There are certain things that I have experienced in my life, and I am realizing they connect to this fear of mine.
I always chose the wrong person. I always chose the guy who would date other girls because he wanted something I wasn’t willing to give up. I connected myself to people who didn’t fully love me, and yet I still gave them my full heart. Do you know what I mean? I experienced so much heartbreak in relationships because I gave my heart away too fast, and to someone who didn’t really want it. But I did it and now I am dealing with all of the leftover hurt, fear, and disappointment. After every heartbreak, my family would watch me cry myself to sleep and try and pick up the pieces of my heart. It got tired of this, and I never wanted to feel heartbroken again. Here’s the thing, you can’t always escape heartbreak no matter how hard you try. I tried so hard, and have still experienced it. I am not saying that because I have experienced heartbreak even when I have tried to avoid it, that you should let everyone in and not be careful and just give up. I am just saying that, heartbreak happens. I was so afraid, that stepping out into a relationship is something that seems terrifying at the moment. So, God is working on me. I realize that my fear takes place, where I don’t fully trust God. I have taken my heart into my own hands instead of placing it in God’s. This is problematic. I am only human, I can’t protect my heart, like my heavenly Father can.
So at the beginning of this, I asked you, What are you doing with your singleness? Are you getting to know who you really are. In my singleness, I have discovered a hurt, that has a long trail following behind. This hurt needed to be brought to the surface so that I could deal with the root of my fear regarding relationships. In order to know the person God has for you, you need to first know yourself.
Are you afraid of relationships? What are some fears you are holding onto and aren’t giving to God? What are your insecurities? Are they tied to your singleness, or a specific event in your life?
These are all questions I am just beginning to find answers to. I am still learning about who I am. God still has some growth for me in my singleness season, and I bet he has some for you as well. Maybe there is a person who you’re interested in right now, but you know deep down you still have things to work on in yourself first. Admit it, and trust God. You want your future man to get the best you. Ask God to reveal to you the answers to the above questions. Letting go can be one of the hardest things, but holding onto something that wasn’t meant for you in this time is even harder. We need to listen to what God is speaking to us, even if we don’t like it. He disciplines us to teach us, and grow us. He is molding us, and shaping us into the women that he has created us to be. I know that He has some work to do in me. I need to walk through these hurts, and fears. The discipline is never fun, or easy, but it’s worth it. We don’t always enjoy the process, but it is absolutely necessary.
So, do something with your singleness. And if God has called you to be single in this season, be obedient. His discipline isn’t a punishment, it is done out of love. Open up your heart to him, and allow him to reveal things to you. Bringing up past hurts and fears can be tough, trust me, but it can be so worth it. Grab a mentor. Pray about it, and choose one. Express your feelings, and thoughts to them and allow them to speak into your life. First, express them to God, but also to you mentor. You need someone who can keep you accountable, and who can give you great advice, and guide you through your season. I don’t have all the answers, so I love getting wise counsel from my mentors. I know it can be scary to be vulnerable, but it is important we are expressing our emotions and dealing with them instead of suppressing them. Trust me, I have locked these hurts so far down, and now they are coming up, and I am having to deal with them. So pray about a leader and begin a mentorship with them. Spend your singleness developing yourself and getting to know more about who you are, and who God has called you to be.