I’ve struggled with this my whole life, as I’m sure many, many, women have. Why do we do this? Why do we look to our left and right, and instantly want to be someone else. It’s almost impossible to stop. I’ll be with a friend, and she’ll say something sweet and kind to someone, and immediately I’m angry with myself for not thinking or saying it first. “I should have done this, or that. I should have been better.” The thing is, in my mind I’ll never be good enough and even worse, I’ll never enjoy who I am if I’m constantly trying to be someone else.
I’m about to get real honest with you. Last year, I liked this guy a whole bunch. We had been friends for a few years, and I was crushin real hard. But, I began to look at his life, and how he was, and I began to change myself. I never felt good enough. I never felt like I measured up. He was successful, handsome, always putting God first in everything. I looked up to who he was, and instead of celebrating the man he is, I was piecing together new parts of myself, to somehow become someone he would want to be with. I looked at women around me that I thought would better suit him, and I began to mold my life after theirs. It isn’t a bad thing to want to improve yourself, in fact, I think it’s great. But, when you start improving yourself, because you don’t ever feel good enough, or worthy enough, there’s a problem. Looking around at others and comparing yourself to them, isn’t ever going to bring you joy. It brings dissatisfaction. Looking at others, we realize our shortcomings, flaws, and the fact that we may not be where we want to be in life. I was doing this, and the funny, but also sad thing, that guy never liked me. But even if he had, he wouldn’t have been liking me anyway. He would have been liking the girl I created, but not the girl I really was. That crush taught me something. I wanted him to like the girl I made up, the one I thought he really wanted. That was never going to be me and that relationship would have ended terribly.
There isn’t any good that comes with comparison, yet we continue to do it. C’mon girls, we’ll check our crushes Instagram's, look at the girls they post, and we’ll try and become someone like that, or we try and become someone better. We are trying to put out an identity that we have it all together, but inside we are searching, hungry, and our souls are crying out to be noticed. Maybe if we were more like so and so, then we would be happy with ourselves. Maybe if we had her clothes, smile, or her body, we would be happy. WHAT???? Where’s the joy in that? Where’s God in that? When we wish we were someone else, I think it actually hurts God’s feelings. He created you exactly how he wanted, and he made you with so much precision and care. When we look over our shoulder at someone else, wishing we had their life, or looked like them, we become unhappy with what we have been given. We become discontent with who we are. This brings sadness, insecurity, and deep hurt within. It wrecks our souls. Trust me, I’ve done it million times. I’ve sat in a room, scanning it, looking for the prettiest girls, wishing I were apart of them. The comparison doesn’t stop. Once you start comparing one part of yourself to someone else, you begin to compare all parts of yourself until, you’ve deconstructed yourself, and you don’t even remember who you started out as.
The funny thing with this, is that someone could be looking at you and doing the same thing. It’s a never ending train. You look to someone else, as someone is looking to you. What ends up happening is, neither one of you are satisfied. Comparison is a habit that will continue on forever if you let it. If you don’t grab ahold of its root, it will only continue to grow, leaving you completely unsatisfied. This isn’t the life you imagined for yourself. God created you, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Your beauty, your sense of humor, your likes and dislikes, are all unique to you. The moment you start to become like someone else, you lose yourself.
Moving forward, I decided to be myself always. If I am going to be liked, I want it to be for who I am, not for who I am trying to be, or for who I think someone else wants me to be. The mask gets harder to wear, and comparison only leaves me feeling unsatisfied. Maybe you struggle with this too, can I implore you to first identify why it is you compare, and also, to let God show you how wonderful all the parts of you are. Isn’t it a great feeling when someone compliments your insecurity. If someone says they like the part of you, you don’t, it makes you feel better. God does. He loves EVERY single part of you. He loves your jokes, your passion, and he loves the cute things that make you who you are. Comparison can only be stopped when you replace it with something else. The moment you begin to look at someone else, remind yourself of how deeply loved you are by your heavenly Father. Remind yourself of what he says about who you are. Remind yourself of your identity in him. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I can promise you, it will bring you much joy.