Rediscovering Your Value
On September 20, 2016, I was spun around in a chair to reveal what I thought was a more beautiful Taylor. My hairstylist had turned my dark brown hair, into a beautiful blonde. I remember looking at my reflection, amazed at my own beauty. It was the first time I had ever felt this way. She was new, she was blonde, and she was beautiful. Months went by and I began to build a stronger confidence in myself, except this confidence was built on a faulty foundation. I didn’t realize it, and I continued to allow my value to come from my appearance. Others would compliment my hairstylist’s work, and each time, I hid those thoughts away, adding to my “now this is beautiful” collection of thoughts. I had thoughts in my mind telling myself the blonde had made me beautiful.
My mom is full Mexican, and her hair is naturally curly. She grew up straightening her hair because she didn’t like it. It was big and voluminous, and she didn’t find it pretty. This carried into her adult life, and she rarely showed her natural curls. Growing up, I wore my hair curly because I didn’t think I had any other choice. I didn’t own a straightener, so I allowed my hair to do whatever it would do. I started looking at other girls, noticing their straight hair. I wanted it. I started straightening my hair at 11 years old, and I’ve been doing it pretty much every day since. I didn’t want people to ever see that my hair was curly, so I didn’t even tell people I had it. My beauty then came from straightening my hair, making the curls unrecognizable.
This was the same thing I was now experiencing with my newly dyed blonde hair, although I failed to admit it. Brown hair wasn’t beautiful on me, I thought and neither were the curls. I changed my hair so drastically in order to separate myself from what I thought wasn’t beautiful. Fast forward to this weekend, my roots had grown out so far that my hair was barely holding onto the blonde. I was in desperate need of a re-dye and a cut. I had an appointment scheduled for Friday, at 10:30 am. Except this time, I wasn’t feeling ready to return to my golden locks. Something was hindering me. A week before, I realized I was so consumed with social media and the beautiful girls that I followed on there, and was struggling with my beauty. “I want to look like them” “I want that”. My appearance had consumed me. I had to re-dye my hair so that I could be beautiful again. When I went in, I told DeEdwin (my hairstylist) that I was feeling this way, and that I felt that my beauty was in direct correlation with my hair being dyed. We sat and talked for a few hours, realizing this problem is so much deeper than my hair being dyed. I hadn’t realized the depth of my value. It doesn’t come from my physical appearance. It doesn’t come from whether or not my hair is dyed or whether I weigh a little more or less. It comes from the fact that God has chosen me, and I am his.
Through long conversation, and the help of my incredible friend, DeEdwin, we decided that dying my hair wasn’t even going to be an option until I can see myself how God sees me. So he cut off most of the blonde, leaving me with my natural brown hair. I have short, brown, curly hair, and I am growing in it. This is only the beginning of a long process of healing and God restoring my perspective of myself. I am so grateful for a friend who can sit with me, hear me cry and allow God to restore me and show me how much he loves me. Thank you DeEdwin. It is so incredible to have hairstylist who cares more about my soul, than the money.
This is just me being real with you. I have much more to say on this, but I wanted to share with you the transformation beginning and encourage you in your own transformation. Insecurity can be destructive. It distorts your view of yourself. We are constantly hit with ideas of beauty, and when we don’t think we fit that, we can shame ourselves, and strive to become prettier thinking we need more to get us there. Spend time with God and ask him what has shaped your value of yourself. If it’s not what he says about you, then it’s a faulty foundation. Your value can’t come from your beauty, your boyfriend, a friendship, or how many Instagram followers you have or lack. Your value is not in something, it comes from JESUS. Let’s go through this together, and experience a heart and mind transformed by him.