Redefine Your Future
THIS IS 22.
I haven’t written in a while. Not just to you, but in general. I haven’t sat down and typed a well phrased analysis of my emotions and thoughts. So here I go. It might be a bit messy, so just try and follow along.
Today I am 22. I’m trying to let that sink into my currently overwhelmed brain. This is the year I have been imagining for quite some time now. I know where I am headed in a certain sense, and if you ask me how I feel, I’d say I’m nervous/excited. I can't choose between the two, since both emotions seem to be fighting for first place. 22, the year I will complete my college career (and other exciting things, I can’t share yet). I’m at a loss for words as I sit here, and treasure all of the love shown to me over this last year. As I have been learning to grow up, it’s been really difficult. When all at once you seem to realize nothing is as you always thought it was. That isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the “realizing it now” part that sucks. Life is still wonderful and joyous, and there is still much to be grateful for. I realize now more than ever how precious time is.
I’d say my season right now is one of healing and growth. I’ve been discovering lies I’ve been believing about myself. And things I’ve struggled with for years, are not being brought back to the surface. I”m having to redefine my future, and rewrite it with God’s truth. This can be difficult, because us as humans are creatures of habit. I’m sure you’ve heard it before. We don’t like change. When you’re used to the way you’ve thought you’re whole life, it’s going to take quite a bit of work to reverse it.
So, let’s get down to it. I want to be vulnerable with you guys, in hopes that you are able to connect and gain understanding in your own life. I can be very defensive. When people tell me things I don’t like to hear I immediately rush to defend myself, without actually hearing the other person out. I do this because I feel the need to protect myself. If I’m not, who is? I didn’t even know this was my thought process until I was forced to think of things from my past, and see how they affected my life. There was something that happened during my childhood, that affects so many areas of my life, protection being one of them. If I don’t feel protected, I have to protect myself. Therefore, I become too defensive. I don’t let anyone in because they can’t be trusted. You see the downfall in my thinking. How do you think this affects my relationship with my family, friends and David? It touches every relationship. WHY? Because I’m afraid of being unarmed. I can’t allow someone to come in and leave me vulnerable. I can’t trust someone to protect me. How do you think this affects my relationship with God? Since I feel like the only one protecting myself, in essence, I’m telling God I don’t think he’s capable of protecting me. How crazy does that sound??!! The Creator of the universe can’t protect me???? This is why I need healing in this area of my heart. But God is doing a work. He is patient and gentle with me.
David and I are taking a class at Mariners Church that has asked us to spend some time going through our childhoods and mark the number one negative thing that happened, and trace its mark in your life. So for instance, let’s say you were abused, that issue is going to affect so many areas of your life you probably haven’t ever considered before. So, I have some homework for you. LOOK at your life. Spend time addressing the event/person/thing that has caused deep sorrow or shame in your life, and see how other avenues in your life can be connected to that.
All pain has a root. What’s controlling your actions? What’s behind your thoughts? Sometimes we think really nasty thoughts about ourselves and others, but there’s a root to that. Dig it up. Find out what it is, and spend time rewriting your story with TRUTH. I love that I’ve titled this part of the blog TRUTH. You know why? Because it’s not mine, it’s HIS. God has truth to speak over you. Those lies you’ve believed for so long about yourself, it’s time to give it up. It’s time to stop coming up empty. God wants you to live a fulfilled, fruitful life. You can’t produce fruit if you’re severed from the vine. Who’s your source? What happened in your past is hard, and messy, and difficult, but it doesn’t have to define your future. I’m taking a stand to rewrite my future. 22, is THE year, I retrain my mind, and the patterns of my heart. I reshape my thoughts, and ground my worth in JESUS alone. You too. Don’t let the devil take another minute of your life. Start today.
FOR ME: THIS IS 22.
Also, here’s a passage from John 15:1-17
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.