Learning to accept God's grace in your mistakes
Over the past few weeks, I have become more stressed, and anxious. With everything going on my life feels like a never ending freeway. Over the past weekend, I decided to take a break and rest for two days. There are still deadlines, and things that are constantly fighting for my attention, but I still decided to take a break. I am not a person who can handle 50 things at once. if you are, that is incredible-- really, YOU deserve an award. That is just not me. I have limits, and this week, I met them. I have a hard time extending grace to myself, especially when I haven’t done the things expected of me.
This past week, I woke up early every day to either study for tests, or to work on things for school, and I didn’t make anytime to read my bible and spend time with God. Every time I would leave for school, or use my extra time to cater to my tiredness, I would feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. Why am I not better? Why can’t I be a good christian? Why did I get mad at that person for no reason and act out accordingly? It’s wrong, and my anger towards myself, began to push me further from the bible. How ironic, the reason I was mad at myself was because I wasn’t reading my bible, and I felt so guilty that I still chose to not read my bible. Through this, I took on more anxiety because of my lack of desire to read God’s Word, and spend time with him.
Have you been there? During this time of the semester, if you are in school, things can get very busy and your free time is something you have to fight for. The busyness of life can overwhelm us and cause our souls to become drained, if not cared for properly. If you find yourself struggling through the busyness-- extend some grace to yourself. You aren’t perfect. You don’t always have to have it all together, and sometimes you just need a break.
Talking to one of my favorite people on Sunday, She reminded me we are all going to disappoint people. There will be people who want every part of you, at every minute, and you know you just can’t give it to them. The health of your soul is so important, but often times it’s the thing we leave unchecked. It’s easy to continue living without checking if our souls are healthy, because we can’t physically see them, and we don’t want to take the time or the discipline to make sure our souls are healthy, and centered on Jesus.
With all that being said, extend grace to yourself this week. Maybe cancel some of your plans this weekend to sit and rest in God’s presence. Talk to him about the difficulties you are facing right now, instead of trying to handle it alone. I know it’s probably a cliche, but sometime we need reminding, that we can’t do it all, and we weren't made to. You might disappoint some people, but the health of your soul is urgent and should be attended to. I find that the days I feel the most free, are the days I allow myself to take a break, and feel okay in not doing anything. Resting doesn’t mean you’re lazy, but that you care about the condition of your soul, and acknowledge its need for rest. Maybe this means you turn off your phone, don’t check your email or all of the things piling up that need to get done. I’m not suggesting you forget about your important tasks, or refrain from doing them. But, allow yourself some time off, and extend some grace to yourself, You’re doing a great job. You can handle this. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes, and take captive the lies of the enemy. You're a great student, mom, daughter, employee, aunt, friend, and Christian. Life is not about your performance. Our heavenly Father is madly in love with you. Take some time this week to ponder what it truly means to be unconditionally loved by the Creator of the universe.