Embracing the NEW
I’m currently 21 (on the brink of 22- October!!) sitting in my hot pink room, listening to high school musical. Tomorrow we take my bright, bubblegum pink walls, and turn them an adult, simple, yet elegant, white. I’m excited for this long awaited change. I’ve been anticipating painting my room for years. Yes, you heard me right-- YEARS. I have wanted to change my room for a while but it never happened. Call it procrastination or the longing to hold onto my childhood a bit longer. Whatever the reason is, doesn’t matter. Tomorrow is finally the day I cover these walls. I don’t mean to make everything symbolic, but I'm a writer, so it’s pretty much inevitable.
I painted these walls with my mom when I was a sophomore in high school. It’s crazy to think about all of the memories made in this room. Pink was the color of my life. My high school years were painted pink. They were full of color, life and a bit overwhelming. This color represents more than just a few strokes of paint on a wall. It marks an age, an era, and a growing time in my life. This color soaks my memories of high school, and now tomorrow it’s gone. I’m so used to waking up everyday to see a decision I made at 15. Now, I’m 21. I’m in a season of growth, which sparks my desire to paint over these walls. There’s a new girl here. She’s growing up, but she’s still a bit afraid. She wants to let go of the past and move forward. The white not only marks a new chapter, but a clean slate. As I enter into my last year of college, I’m flooded with emotion. My sister has graduated, and it’s my last year of school forever-- well at least I think. Who knows? I might go back one day. But for now, it marks another end and a beautiful beginning.If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m very sentimental. My boyfriend knows this all too well, but he supports it. I can find meaning in everything. So excuse me as I sit here and mourn a bit over the vibrant walls that have surrounded me the last 6 years. So much has changed in my heart and mind, and I want to make this new change and follow it up with more fruit and growth in my life.
Change is hard. We get comfortable somewhere and we don’t want to leave. Or, we get tired of a place so often that we hardly have a home at all. Wherever you are at on the spectrum, you’re going to have to put yourself in a situation you’re uncomfortable with. For me, I have a bit of both. I love the security of staying put, but I also get the bug to move and change things frequently. However, there’s always an area of our lives where we choose to escape change. We don’t want it. So we force it out, and pretend it’s not there. I want to paint my room. I desire the change. However, with the change, comes a new look, a new season that’s unravelling. If I’m being honest, it’s been unraveling for a while. It’s time to grow up, really. Not just that I start paying for more things, but that I take responsibility for my actions, my duties, and frankly my life. I depend on people for things. That’s not a bad thing, but the more you grow up, you find you do a lot of things by yourself. You’re in charge of yourself. You don’t have someone telling you what to do all the time. You budget, you make your own decisions, and the result is on you. If it fails, it’s on you. But if it succeeds it’s on you too. There’s a lot that comes with growing up, and I'm excited for this next chapter of life God has for me. He’s guiding me, leading me, and pruning me. So if you’re like me in this season and change is upon you, embrace it with open arms. But, if you’re in a season desiring change, when God has called you to stay put for a while, embrace that too.
So as I sit here and mourn the loss of my pink walls, I am experiencing the transformation from child to adult. It won’t happen overnight. You can’t expect it to. It will take time, discipline, and a lot of trial and error. But I believe it’s going to be so rewarding. As I sing at the top of my lungs to “The Start of Something New,” the words couldn’t be more true. The song of my childhood, becomes the song of transformation. I’m ready to grow. I’m ready to be stretched by life, the world, others, and most importantly, my Creator. He’s got a good way of stretching us. It’s hard, but rewarding. I’m ready to experience more of life. I’m ready to peel a page back in my book, and get started on the next chapter. I’m ready to let the white stain my pink walls. Because no matter how much paint I put down, the pink will always remain behind. My past doesn’t have to hang over my head, but it will never be forgotten. Cheers to change, almost 22, and new walls. I welcome you.