This is a topic I have written on before, and one that has been requested by a few ladies. I know I know, it may be weird that I am writing about singleness when I have a boyfriend, but what I want to say will hopefully bring you encouragement.
Singleness is rarely treasured in its time. It’s after the boy comes and loves you, and chooses you, and then you look back on your singleness and thank it. But we don’t really, or (at least for a while), I didn’t really think of my singleness as a good thing. However, in March of 2016, I felt a strong urge to pursue singleness. I chose to not accept dates, or a seek after a potential suitor, but to sit and enjoy singleness and all God had for me. So, I did it. March 30, I started a journal, recording new things daily. 2016, my life was changed. In April, I decided to start a women’s bible study, where we would read scripture together over coffee and grow in Jesus, cultivating deeper friendships. It was life giving. I grew stronger in my relationship with God, and so did they. It was amazing to see the fruit that was produced from those precious meetings. This was something I had always wanted to pursue, and in my year of singleness, I felt a prompting to go out and do what it was God had been calling me to.
In May, 2016, I found out that I got accepted into Biola University (I am graduating this semester WOOHOO). This was a crazy blessing, considering when I graduated from high school, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go to college. God continued to bless me. In June, I committed to going on my first ever missions trip to Myanmar. We were going to serve orphans and the ministry of Pastor Peter and Rebecca, to love on the people of Myanmar and share the gospel during Christmas. I was terrified. I had no idea what a missions trip was going to be like, or what I was going to need to prepare for. (I actually met my boyfriend on this trip- so crazy.) All I knew is I had been called. My year of singleness was intentional and I wanted to do things that would scare me, push me, and force me out of comfort.
Before this intentional time of singleness, I didn’t really step out of my comfort zone. I had never started a bible study, gone on a missions trip, or thought about going to bible college. But God used this intentional time to speak and I was so receptive. I moved immediately. The more we listen to Jesus, the easier it is to let him guide our lives. Suddenly, the things we are fearful of don’t seem so scary. When God calls us, we know he’ll provide. And he did.
However, I’d be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t distracted by dating. I was. There was someone I liked, and he didn’t like me back. During my year of singleness, I was pursuing God fully, but I was also hopeful that after the year was up, that the person I had my eye on, would pursue me. It’s so funny, we always think we know better. We think we have it all figured out, and we try and nudge God to move in the direction we want him to. But full surrender doesn’t come from pushing our own way. That guy never ended up liking me back. After my singleness, there was no long line of guys waiting to date me. Instead, after the year was up, I started this very blog. March 30, 2017. It was something I felt God put on my heart to start, because he knows I have a deep desire for connecting with women, growing, learning, and gaining understanding from them.
To the ladies who are single and waiting on someone: don’t spend this time waiting on a guy to make up his mind, or change, or grow up. You are worthy of someone who will pursue you and treasure your heart. You are worthy of someone who will see you just as you are, and be captivated. I think we fear letting go, because we were so sure in the moment this person was right for us. And maybe he is. Maybe the guy you like is right. But in order for you to grow, and experience the new God has for you, cutting ties is best. If it’s right, God will work at the perfect time, but we can’t live in that. I’ve been here. I get it. I’ve had to let go of things that weren’t for me. God knows so much better then we do. He wants the absolute best for us. This is something we must trust, and follow through on. Growth happens in full surrender.
People say singleness is this precious time to focus on God and pursue him fully and I never truly understood that until I was in a relationship. It’s because we think we’d rather have the relationship and do these amazing things for God’s kingdom with our significant other. That’s a good desire too, and one that we should pursue in that season. However, singleness really is special. It’s time where you get to spend uninterrupted time with God. When you’re in a relationship, so much of your time, attention, and energy goes to that other person. When you’re single, you can really focus on yourself, God and the things he has called you to. *Disclaimer, I’m not saying you can’t also do this when you are dating. I am just trying to highlight the precious time at hand. Singleness is something to cherish. If you decide to get married, your singleness is something you never get back. EVER. It’s time you spend learning about yourself, growing, and pursuing Jesus above everything. Being in a relationship, I’ve had to be way more intentional in my relationship with God. It’s because there’s another person whose life I am also caring for. When I was single, there was only one person after my heart, Jesus. I learned so much about myself in that precious time. Don’t waste this time. It’s something to cherish. Ask God questions about yourself, and who you are. Try new things. Write something. Go somewhere. Make new friends. Read books. GROW GROW GROW. And also, don’t be discouraged. God hasn’t forgotten you. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love. Jesus died for you, because you are precious to him. You are darling to him. Don’t allow the lies of the devil to steal your joy. Your identity is grounded in Jesus, not a relationship status. God knows the right time for each season. Your singleness is a gift my friend, don’t waste your season.